Being told your kid has special needs...

... regardless of the level of their special needs, is the hardest thing I've ever experienced.  Prior to that all the oddities were just quirks, he was his version of normal and would be okay or grow out of it.   Now though...it's like mourning the loss of something intangible.  Mourning the loss of normal.  No, we never really had normal and technically nothing has changed, but it has changed.  These things are not just quirks of his personality.  They are neurological disorders.  Neurological disorders that will last his entire life.  

Could it be worse?  YES, it could be so much worse, but that doesn't take away the feelings of hurt and sadness over the loss of the life you thought this child would have.  The loss of the things you'd get to do with them.  This fact also doesn't make it okay that you now have to do therapy with them every.single.day just so they can have a decent day (which for the record effing sucks and it's okay to think it effing sucks).  

So...my suggestions to people who have a friend going through this.  Don't dismiss their feelings whatever they are.  Don't tell them their kid will be fine.  Don't say things like "Oh, my kid(s) do that too.  It's normal", "But he's just a kid.  I don't see XYZ disorder so he must be fine" or "Boy there's a diagnosis for everything these days". DON'T tell them it could be worse.  WE KNOW.  Just give them an open place to talk, scream, cry, whatever and above all else don't make them feel guilty or wrong for however they are feeling.  They have enough guilt as it is.